Gifts

I don't know why, but this week I can't stop thinking about the mother of our soon-to-be child. I keep thinking about what she must be going through and how hard it would be to know you will not be able to care for your sweet child. Maybe it stems from me losing my own mother. Now that I'm a mom, I think of what she must have felt all those years fighting cancer. I, as the self absorbed child I was, never tried to think of things from her perspective. Once I became a mother, though, the reality of what she faced for the last 21 years of her life hit me hard. The thought of leaving this life with your children still in it is an awful thought. Luckily, my mom didn't pass until both of her children were self-supporting adults. However, there are hundreds(maybe even thousands, I don't know) of mothers in Ethiopia facing that awful future right now. Sick and dying, leaving their sweet babies behind, or too poor to properly care for them, so they are giving them up. The lucky ones will either have family who can afford to take them in, or will be put in an orphanage where they will be sent to a loving, adoring family. But there are so many children who will die in their poverty, who will be sent to an orphanage and never find a family, or who will grow up on the streets. How lucky are we that Ian and I have the means(well, hopefully) to bring a child out of that and into our home where we can feed, clothe, educate, and love them into adulthood. Sometimes I feel guilty for only wanting a baby, and not wanting to adopt a sibling group, a child with disabilities/handicaps/medical problems, or an older waiting child. But I know that at this point in our lives, that just isn't a possibility. We have 3 other children to take care of and I need to be able to devote my time and energies to them, as well. I just wish I could bring them all home and love them all. I read a Family Circus comic today that said(in response to her 4 children smothering her in love and asking, "Mommy, aren't you afraid you'll run out of love?"),"It seems the more I love, the more love I'm given to love with." Isn't that so true? I know I will love every child I bring into my heart and home, I just wish I could feed, clothe, read to, push on the swings, go swimming with, drive to dance class, play board games with, and kiss goodnight all of the orphans who have already suffered so much by losing their parents. Which brings me back to the purpose of this post. That sweet mother who is about to give me an amazing gift. I wish I could comfort her in her hard times. And I'm wondering if the reason my thoughts have been so turned to her are because she's suffering right now. All I can do is pray that someday she will watch her baby come into my arms and know that all is well. I hope that as I take her child as my own, that she will become a part of me and she can raise her child through me. And I hope that I can do all that she would do if given the chance. I also hope that someday in heaven, when we meet, I can hug her and look into her eyes, recognizing her spirit and thank her for what I know will be the greatest gift.